I recently read an article at The Atlantic that got me thinking. Actually it got me thinking, then commenting. I thought I would save those thoughts here. I keep thinking about the "end game" regarding the Occupy Wall Street protests. I just don't see people giving up and going away this time. People have finally gotten angry enough to take to the streets and a lot of people, like me, have been waiting for this to happen for a very long time. It's ABOUT time. Ironic maybe that it is happening during the Obama administration, but then again, if Bush were still president, Blackwater (not yet renamed Xe at that time) would have come in and shot everyone by now.
Therein lies my fear. With protests growing throughout the United States, and having served and knowing others who are currently serving or have served, I just don't see them accepting an illegal order to act against these protesters. Hell, a lot of these kids are in the military precisely because there are no other options out there. Not everyone is G.I. Joe out to save the world. I'll be the first to admit I wasn't. Sure, there was an aspect of wanting to make my father, also an Army veteran (a real WAR veteran, not just a "between wars" one like me) proud, and a pride in serving a country I love to this day and love even more in retrospect, but a big part was the fact that it was helping me get to college too. My parents, though they could easily have done so, surely weren't going to help me, so I did what I had to to help myself. If I was going to sell my body to someone I figured Uncle Sam would use it best. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we expect, but that's life, right?
My point is, as I note later, that I don't think contractors would hesitate one little minute to shoot those "librul scum" protesting against the fat cats they have sold their values out to serve. Clearly I have no love of military contractors. That may be the most restrained statement I have ever made. I don't like them. I don't trust them. I think they are sell-outs of the worst kind. I think they stay in the killing business because they like killing and they want to make a bunch of money doing it without a bunch of codes of honor and conduct in their way. They rape their own people for God's sake! Of course so do people in the military, but my guess is these are the same people. They just move on.
These are the people, I believe, who will eventually be unleashed on the protesters if things go awry and the National Guard balks, as I believe they will, at taking widespread violent action against U.S. citizens. There are a couple things I just flat out refuse to believe about U.S. military members. First, I do not believe that they are collectively stupid enough to believe the asinine myth that republicans support the military and vice-versa. Too much evidence of who provides health care and family support legislation exists out there a computer click away. Information is just too easy to get and disinformation is just too easily disproven. Secondly, they're not too blind to understand that the pro-GOP, pro-corporate, anti "librul" spit-myth Koolaid is served from the top down because the "brass" is heavily invested in the military-industrial complex (which now includes contracting).
Yes, brainwashing has always been a major part of military culture and it can be powerful. Tragically I understand that power better than most. I have over the past several years seen evidence of someone I had for years considered far too strong minded to EVER drink that particular flavor of Koolaid clearly guzzling the shit first by the occasional sip (thanks Michelle Malkin, you misogynistic hag) and eventually by the gallon. This is not a weak-minded, callow youth, either. Maybe it's a requirement of rank; then you just get so used to parroting the stuff at work that it becomes part of you by osmosis? I don't know but it's upsetting to witness. Despite that, I do not believe the rank and file "Joe Enlisted Person" has been that poisoned against the folks back home and I know from experience that not only republicans serve--especially not in this economy.
So Dick Cheney's buds at Halliburton via Blackwater, renamed Xe will likely be in charge of future civil unrest. That does not give me a warm fuzzy feeling. Very little gives me warm fuzzies anymore. It's just not that kind of world right now, but we are finally taking steps to send it back in the correct direction. I may only be able to Occupy Main Street, but we are all on Wall Street in spirit.
Regarding the Atlantic Article, here's the link:
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/10/taking-stock-of-the-long-wars-a-proposal/246311/
My growing concern is the privatization of our military forces. Private forces do not serve the United States, they serve an employer. They can be ordered to do things our military cannot constitutionally do (such as acting against U.S. civilians during civil unrest--Occupy Wall Street for instance) and would not do, and here I reference the same. Our military functions under a standard of honor and structure completely lacking in the private sector, where acts as profoundly wrong as rape and murder are met with the ultimate sanction of...a change of name from Blackwater to Xe.
While I, as an Army veteran, have some understanding of the issues related to the all-volunteer military, I am also a mother who does not wish to see other mothers face the prospect of forced military service via a renewal of the draft when wars can be declared at the whim of presidents with agendas of their own--such as the agenda I would frankly consider profiteering in the case of past President G. W. Bush.
The United States is not what it used to be. The Bush administration proved that to me and the Obama administration has done precious little to assuage my concerns. What does remain the same is that the only way to make rank in the military is to kiss the brass of the person above you. It is not a merit based system and it is only by the purest accident that the best occasionally float to the top. Former NATO Commander General Wesley Clarks are few and far between. I strongly believe a new means for selection and placement of command, from top tier on down, including input from officers and enlisted military personnel as well as the military elite, is a great place to start.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Psychic Predicts Wisconsin's "Red Plague"
In entertainment news today it has been learned that the new comedy "Cedar Rapids" was originally intended to be filmed in a small Wisconsin town and titled "Wisconsin Rapids". Unfortunately the film's official psychic warned producers of a "red plague" that would "completely lay waste" to once progressive and film-friendly Wisconsin.
The detailed prediction is now confirmed fact by all national and international news sources, and in a most bizarre twist is being praised in hourly "breaking noise" segments by FoxOpinion's Glenn Beck. The original prediction centered around a new breed of zombie-like Governor-Dictator in whom the brain and spinal column become so decimated by years of neglect and thoughtlessly following the orders of owners, otherwise known as campaign contributors, that victim A, now identified as Scott Walker, had no resistance to or awareness of disease onset. Walker is too ill to be a qualified source of information and family and "friends" are not commenting on Walker's behavior prior to infection. Walker's home and office answering device messages consist of Walker himself screeching "BUST UNIONS! DEATH TO THE MIDDLE CLASS!" followed by creepy and prolonged laughter and then a singale "beep" in human voice before abrupt hang-up.
Medical professionals state the disease presents as an almost complete lack of activity in the rapidly shrinking brain's frontal lobe (the reasoning/rational portion of the brain, responsible for decision making and other higher brain functions) combined with sudden onset megalomania, paranoia and extreme delusions, featuring one hundred percent reverse logic and lack of even the most minute measure of common sense.
Doctors now recognize the disease is as virulent as other plagues throughout history and deadly to millions, though it is uninfected people who die, mostly nurses, fire fighters, EMT's and children, due to lack of medical care related to abuse of power by infected persons.
The disease is known to be spread by close and prolonged contact with bovine digestive waste, often found in the mouths of republican officials. It has crossed state lines, having infected several other high ranking republican office holders. Ironically treatment is being delayed by massive budget cuts affecting the Research Department at University of Wisconsin-Madison Hospitals and Clinics, where cutting edge researchers were formerly world leaders in health care, fear of which is one of the strongest and most deeply rooted of Governor-Dictator Walker's many paranoid delusions, and among the first entities deemed a "domestic enemy combatant" when Walker took office.
In other news, Charlie Sheen is still crazy as a shit house rat.
The detailed prediction is now confirmed fact by all national and international news sources, and in a most bizarre twist is being praised in hourly "breaking noise" segments by FoxOpinion's Glenn Beck. The original prediction centered around a new breed of zombie-like Governor-Dictator in whom the brain and spinal column become so decimated by years of neglect and thoughtlessly following the orders of owners, otherwise known as campaign contributors, that victim A, now identified as Scott Walker, had no resistance to or awareness of disease onset. Walker is too ill to be a qualified source of information and family and "friends" are not commenting on Walker's behavior prior to infection. Walker's home and office answering device messages consist of Walker himself screeching "BUST UNIONS! DEATH TO THE MIDDLE CLASS!" followed by creepy and prolonged laughter and then a singale "beep" in human voice before abrupt hang-up.
Medical professionals state the disease presents as an almost complete lack of activity in the rapidly shrinking brain's frontal lobe (the reasoning/rational portion of the brain, responsible for decision making and other higher brain functions) combined with sudden onset megalomania, paranoia and extreme delusions, featuring one hundred percent reverse logic and lack of even the most minute measure of common sense.
Doctors now recognize the disease is as virulent as other plagues throughout history and deadly to millions, though it is uninfected people who die, mostly nurses, fire fighters, EMT's and children, due to lack of medical care related to abuse of power by infected persons.
The disease is known to be spread by close and prolonged contact with bovine digestive waste, often found in the mouths of republican officials. It has crossed state lines, having infected several other high ranking republican office holders. Ironically treatment is being delayed by massive budget cuts affecting the Research Department at University of Wisconsin-Madison Hospitals and Clinics, where cutting edge researchers were formerly world leaders in health care, fear of which is one of the strongest and most deeply rooted of Governor-Dictator Walker's many paranoid delusions, and among the first entities deemed a "domestic enemy combatant" when Walker took office.
In other news, Charlie Sheen is still crazy as a shit house rat.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Governor Walker, Protecting Uber Rich Old Men from Women and Children
Welcome to Red State Wisconsin
A few short thoughts regarding the fiasco in Madison. For you out of staters, this applies to you too, because it's the wave of the future for the GOP and their new contract with Americas Big Business.
Briefly, our newly elected governor, Scott Walker, a megalomaniac of middle eastern proportion (and attitude) is, as part of the BUDGET process, destroying collective bargaining for state employees...you know, the unimportant people like Nurses, Teachers, social workers (well, I could see it in their case to be honest) EMT's, fire fighters, prison guards, etc. in order to make room for bigger tax breaks for the ultra rich and his big business buds who contributed millions of dollars in air time (and oh how the uninformed love his cutie pie dumb brunette looks) which virtually bought him the election. The Wisconsin Democrats are holding off a vote on the budget by staying out of state, so now, in his alleged bid to "bring more jobs to Wisconsin" and free up money for above mentioned very special interests, he is threatening to FIRE an insane number of state employees. Next on his agenda is deregulating the insurance industry in Wisconsin and allowing insurers to drop critically ill children and vets from their plans at will. As a Nurse and veteran I find that particularly reprehensible.
Scott Walker is not acting as a governor. He's a bully, acting as a would-be dictator. No hyperbole here...he truly has delusions of dictatorship in this once cutting edge state. He cares not one iota for jobs, as he's willing to destroy an obscene number of them just to have his way with professions in Wisconsin dominated by women. Teachers, Nurses, Social Workers, many of them too dedicated to their professions to join the thousands of protesters in Madison, are his targets. He's also out to get our children. Education and health care are absolutely on the Walker chopping block too. This isn't "tough but necessary". This is going to take Wisconsin from a position of pride, as one of the most progressive states in the union to a slave labor state shining under the lurid red light of victimization of the weak. The last great equalizer, quality public education, is under direct attack, and Walker has a plenty big army of ultra wealthy tax dodgers seeking no bid contracts (oh, you didn't know that was part of the deal?) to get the dirty job done. And then there is the fact that he's mobilizing the Wisconsin National Guard, something absolutely NOT within his job description, even as the demented despot he is. And mobilizing them against whom, you ask? Apparently anyone who is not agreeing with HIM and his master...plans.
Sadly, our children and grandchildren will pay the price for our foolishness and laziness as voters. Walker's anti-education, anti-health care fanaticism will affect the hopes, dreams and physical and financial well being of hundreds of thousands of children. It would literally not surprise me if his next "not to be discussed" proclamation ends child labor laws. It's not like they'll be going to school anyway, and I'm sure in his deluded mind it's just fine for children to earn their own keep so the family can afford to pay unregulated health insurance premiums. This man is the worst kind of bully--one made untouchable by power and the thickness of his wallet. He has an 8 year personal grudge against organized labor despite the fact that he has grown over-wealthy doing things a LOT less important than educating and caring for the health and welfare of Wisconsin's children and families.
The one ray of hope in this utterly dismal situation is that people like Walker just may get "we the democratic majority" motivated to vote again. Forget wallowing in disappointment over an admittedly disappointing president. We have already lost our hero Russ Feingold, and Madison is controlled by a media whore dictator-- poster boy for the rabid right who is already positioning himself as the new great white hope for the 2012 GOP nomination. So, Wisconsin, next time we have a chance, VOTE! And those of you who do not hold at least a million dollars in liquid assets but voted for this fringe dwelling fool anyway, educate yourselves on the real details of the real issues and the real consequences of your actions before you vote again! Some things, like life and liberty really do trump greed.
And finally, you, Governor Arrogant Petulance, and the rest of you Republicans, always wailing about the chillllllllllldren. Well, may God forgive you, for you know EXACTLY what you're trying to do!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Insomnia Sucks.... (wish it bit too)
Here I am again, the rest of the world asleep around me, waiting for the sun to come up so I can get some sleep.
Night shift.
Had I known just how lethal being a night nurse could be, I ..........would have done it anyway I guess. I was invincible once, kevlar skinned and laser guided. Apparently with enough over-use and abuse even lasers begin to burn out though. Who knew? Which is not to say I've learned a damned thing. I still push when I'm supposed to stop resisting. "I'll sleep when I'm dead" was my motto for so long. Hell, it was my life. Not that I'm complaining.
I will never be able, even in my darkest hour, to look back on my life or my nursing career and feel I've really missed out on too much. Yeah, there have been some MON-U-FUCKING-MENTAL (emphasis on mental) mistakes I've made, and from them maybe I have learned. Maybe not. Case in point, never trust a man whose first words to you are "I was just leaving town, but now that I've met you I really want to stick around a while. Can I sleep over?" Next thing you know it will be 3 years later, he'll be off chasing some fat, skanky red-headed drug dealing dominatrix and you'll be left cleaning hair out of your bathtub and sheets.
[redacted for tmi]
To each and every man whose heart I left bruised, battered or broken...my penance is paid. I am forever sorry, and I still pay.
As if I didn't pay enough in the Army, or in the marriage that followed. But there was little of beauty there and I choose to forget most of that, and certainly have no desire to share it here or anywhere else.
All that aside, I regret no chance taken, no adventure or misadventure embarked upon in my frequent moments of youthful and not so youthful impulse. As a child of chaos, raised by two high functioning alcoholic parents so engrossed in one another that my brother and I were less than superfluous, I don't think "normality" would have ever worked for me. In fact I doubt I even truly understand the concept. I certainly couldn't relate to the other nurses I worked with who saw choosing the border for their new wall paper as something worth agonizing and even sobbing over. What IS it to have that much...or is it that little...in life, that wall paper becomes so important? I will never understand, and I guess that is one thing I will thank my not so benignly neglectful parents for.
And it's not like we didn't have fun. Nothing bonds a family like misdirecting tourists from a boat launch to a deserted gravel drive that leads into woods so thick no boat was ever getting out of there easily. Yes, we actually stole the sign that legitimately led to the dock near Moonlight Bay and placed it nearby at that deserted narrow drive, and they were stupid enough to drive right on in. I believe I still have the "No Trespassing" sign we stole from an unwelcome, encroaching resort that same afternoon. Of course who can forget finding the skinny dipping couple in "our" section of beach near Cana Island and stealing their clothes. We weren't thieves though. We dropped the ostentatious (of course) clothing, a piece at a time, shoes then socks then everything else as out of order and wildly strewn as possible, along a couple miles of road, leaving the keys for their nice little sports car for last of course, right next to the underwear, so they'd have to trek back another two miles to retrieve it. We knew...we checked every pocket and around the car too.
Of course, given what Chicago tourists have done to the Door County of my birth and youth, turning a pristine paradise of cherry orchards and acres of wild flowers and miles of public beaches into ugly cracker-box condos and trailer sized lots for Chicago sized "cabins" more worthy of Sinclair than LeClaire (my Godmother's name)...well... I really kind of wish we had stolen the clothes, and the car! We called them, the tourists, turkeys at the time...I suppose because they clucked around cluelessly in ridiculous little flocks and didn't have the sense to get their noses out of the air when it was raining (legend has it that's how many a real turkey has met its demise). I later learned a new term from Jim, the respiratory therapist I worked with for years in the NICU. He called them F I B's, which stands, as you might have guessed, for Fucking Illinois Bastards. And that they are. I am reminded every time I try to find some beloved landmark to share with family and friends and it has been paved over, built up or otherwise despoiled and marked as "Private Property" for the use of ridiculously red white and blue clad windy city wind-bags. Just too trite.
Even more fun is driving behind them on the highway--widened for their convenience of course at the cost of God alone knows how many old growth cedar trees--the ones that give Door County such distinctive and fresh air--and having them slam on their brakes without warning in bumper to bumper traffic (another gift from down south a ways) and go from 65 mph to 0 in 0.5 seconds so they can stop, ON the highway, to take a picture of something they like to oh so condescendingly call "quaint". This is of course Chicago-speak for "soon to be demolished".
We used to pretend there was a point system (I know, not original, but very therapeutic) for running them down, the speed, manner and difficulty determining the points of course. I can almost wish we'd actually played that one for real...but I'm not really the type for such unsubtle revenge...though back then it would have just been preventive maintenance. It is a good thing I'm not Catholic though, where a sin thought is a sin committed. I'd feel the flames of Hades licking between my ice blue painted toes as I linger here.
Still awaiting sunrise.
Night shift.
Had I known just how lethal being a night nurse could be, I ..........would have done it anyway I guess. I was invincible once, kevlar skinned and laser guided. Apparently with enough over-use and abuse even lasers begin to burn out though. Who knew? Which is not to say I've learned a damned thing. I still push when I'm supposed to stop resisting. "I'll sleep when I'm dead" was my motto for so long. Hell, it was my life. Not that I'm complaining.
I will never be able, even in my darkest hour, to look back on my life or my nursing career and feel I've really missed out on too much. Yeah, there have been some MON-U-FUCKING-MENTAL (emphasis on mental) mistakes I've made, and from them maybe I have learned. Maybe not. Case in point, never trust a man whose first words to you are "I was just leaving town, but now that I've met you I really want to stick around a while. Can I sleep over?" Next thing you know it will be 3 years later, he'll be off chasing some fat, skanky red-headed drug dealing dominatrix and you'll be left cleaning hair out of your bathtub and sheets.
[redacted for tmi]
To each and every man whose heart I left bruised, battered or broken...my penance is paid. I am forever sorry, and I still pay.
As if I didn't pay enough in the Army, or in the marriage that followed. But there was little of beauty there and I choose to forget most of that, and certainly have no desire to share it here or anywhere else.
All that aside, I regret no chance taken, no adventure or misadventure embarked upon in my frequent moments of youthful and not so youthful impulse. As a child of chaos, raised by two high functioning alcoholic parents so engrossed in one another that my brother and I were less than superfluous, I don't think "normality" would have ever worked for me. In fact I doubt I even truly understand the concept. I certainly couldn't relate to the other nurses I worked with who saw choosing the border for their new wall paper as something worth agonizing and even sobbing over. What IS it to have that much...or is it that little...in life, that wall paper becomes so important? I will never understand, and I guess that is one thing I will thank my not so benignly neglectful parents for.
And it's not like we didn't have fun. Nothing bonds a family like misdirecting tourists from a boat launch to a deserted gravel drive that leads into woods so thick no boat was ever getting out of there easily. Yes, we actually stole the sign that legitimately led to the dock near Moonlight Bay and placed it nearby at that deserted narrow drive, and they were stupid enough to drive right on in. I believe I still have the "No Trespassing" sign we stole from an unwelcome, encroaching resort that same afternoon. Of course who can forget finding the skinny dipping couple in "our" section of beach near Cana Island and stealing their clothes. We weren't thieves though. We dropped the ostentatious (of course) clothing, a piece at a time, shoes then socks then everything else as out of order and wildly strewn as possible, along a couple miles of road, leaving the keys for their nice little sports car for last of course, right next to the underwear, so they'd have to trek back another two miles to retrieve it. We knew...we checked every pocket and around the car too.
Of course, given what Chicago tourists have done to the Door County of my birth and youth, turning a pristine paradise of cherry orchards and acres of wild flowers and miles of public beaches into ugly cracker-box condos and trailer sized lots for Chicago sized "cabins" more worthy of Sinclair than LeClaire (my Godmother's name)...well... I really kind of wish we had stolen the clothes, and the car! We called them, the tourists, turkeys at the time...I suppose because they clucked around cluelessly in ridiculous little flocks and didn't have the sense to get their noses out of the air when it was raining (legend has it that's how many a real turkey has met its demise). I later learned a new term from Jim, the respiratory therapist I worked with for years in the NICU. He called them F I B's, which stands, as you might have guessed, for Fucking Illinois Bastards. And that they are. I am reminded every time I try to find some beloved landmark to share with family and friends and it has been paved over, built up or otherwise despoiled and marked as "Private Property" for the use of ridiculously red white and blue clad windy city wind-bags. Just too trite.
Even more fun is driving behind them on the highway--widened for their convenience of course at the cost of God alone knows how many old growth cedar trees--the ones that give Door County such distinctive and fresh air--and having them slam on their brakes without warning in bumper to bumper traffic (another gift from down south a ways) and go from 65 mph to 0 in 0.5 seconds so they can stop, ON the highway, to take a picture of something they like to oh so condescendingly call "quaint". This is of course Chicago-speak for "soon to be demolished".
We used to pretend there was a point system (I know, not original, but very therapeutic) for running them down, the speed, manner and difficulty determining the points of course. I can almost wish we'd actually played that one for real...but I'm not really the type for such unsubtle revenge...though back then it would have just been preventive maintenance. It is a good thing I'm not Catholic though, where a sin thought is a sin committed. I'd feel the flames of Hades licking between my ice blue painted toes as I linger here.
Still awaiting sunrise.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Greetings
As I am perhaps permanently unable to log on/post to my original blogspot blogs (AcerbicRN and MarquesSpot) I begin anew.
As in many things, I start this endeavor in memory of my brother Mark, lost to us in 2006 after enduring in near silence too many years in a toxic marriage to someone I always realized was a sociopath...let me rephrase that for legal purposes...it is my educated opinion that she is a sociopath. I could go on about that, but there is really no point. It won't bring my brother back or allow our family to ever see his beautiful daughters again.
I will try to make this more to the point. Mark was an accomplished musician and lover of life and nearly all it's ridiculous ironies. He had DEPTH--something his ex-wife never understood. The loss his daughters feel has to be immense and in reality the loss of his influence in their lives is tragic. My only hope now is that they carry forward the true Bastian genes. (Why the woman kept the name of a family she spent years tearing apart despite every kindness shown I will never understand!) At least she spells her first name with one less L than I do. Thankfully we have absolutely nothing else in common apart from our gender and names.
Mark had this wonderful equation for what he sought and was briefly able to find during the dearly paid for (and I mean DEARLY paid for) freedom he found upon escaping the day to day torture of living with a greedy, avaricious, soul sucking .... well you get the drift. It went something like this:
"Inner Resonance = doing good things + no one looking".
It is likely a poor paraphrase as I have anything but an eidetic memory, but that is the gist of it and it is this legacy I will try to carry forward.
His own blog, maintained until just hours before his death and detailing much though not all of the precipitating factors, is at www.machopoodle.blogspot.com. Please don't pay too much attention to the FoxNews stuff if you find yourself inclined to visit there...no one's perfect, and he was starving, sleepless and tortured beyond human endurance at the end. This despite my offers to have him move in with me. He just had to be close to his girls, used as pawns by his ex, and I was unable at the time to pick up and move...though I'd have found a way had I known then what I know now.
I am glad he has finally found peace. Though I miss him terribly, I also know the hell he was living as his ex (a true woman scorned) methodically bled him dry and turned first his Church then his employer and eventually even his daughters against him for no other reason than her own bruised ego, boundless material greed and mental illness (IMO). I can only rejoice that he has found blessed peace. Even oblivion, something in which I do not believe, would be preferable.
Now, in your memory, beloved brother, I will attempt once more to leave the past in the past and renew my efforts to move forward in a more positive manner--and resonate reason.
As in many things, I start this endeavor in memory of my brother Mark, lost to us in 2006 after enduring in near silence too many years in a toxic marriage to someone I always realized was a sociopath...let me rephrase that for legal purposes...it is my educated opinion that she is a sociopath. I could go on about that, but there is really no point. It won't bring my brother back or allow our family to ever see his beautiful daughters again.
I will try to make this more to the point. Mark was an accomplished musician and lover of life and nearly all it's ridiculous ironies. He had DEPTH--something his ex-wife never understood. The loss his daughters feel has to be immense and in reality the loss of his influence in their lives is tragic. My only hope now is that they carry forward the true Bastian genes. (Why the woman kept the name of a family she spent years tearing apart despite every kindness shown I will never understand!) At least she spells her first name with one less L than I do. Thankfully we have absolutely nothing else in common apart from our gender and names.
Mark had this wonderful equation for what he sought and was briefly able to find during the dearly paid for (and I mean DEARLY paid for) freedom he found upon escaping the day to day torture of living with a greedy, avaricious, soul sucking .... well you get the drift. It went something like this:
"Inner Resonance = doing good things + no one looking".
It is likely a poor paraphrase as I have anything but an eidetic memory, but that is the gist of it and it is this legacy I will try to carry forward.
His own blog, maintained until just hours before his death and detailing much though not all of the precipitating factors, is at www.machopoodle.blogspot.com. Please don't pay too much attention to the FoxNews stuff if you find yourself inclined to visit there...no one's perfect, and he was starving, sleepless and tortured beyond human endurance at the end. This despite my offers to have him move in with me. He just had to be close to his girls, used as pawns by his ex, and I was unable at the time to pick up and move...though I'd have found a way had I known then what I know now.
I am glad he has finally found peace. Though I miss him terribly, I also know the hell he was living as his ex (a true woman scorned) methodically bled him dry and turned first his Church then his employer and eventually even his daughters against him for no other reason than her own bruised ego, boundless material greed and mental illness (IMO). I can only rejoice that he has found blessed peace. Even oblivion, something in which I do not believe, would be preferable.
Now, in your memory, beloved brother, I will attempt once more to leave the past in the past and renew my efforts to move forward in a more positive manner--and resonate reason.
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