Perhaps it's the complete inappropriateness of History Channel's 'Elisabeth Hasselbeck wet dream' version of Jesus in their mini series that has me on edge. Though Diago Morgado was ethereal and expressive in the role of my personal Savior, the whole thing just lacked realism despite the quality of his acting. It's so very uncool to admit it, especially at my age, well past the know it all late teen-early twenties Christian Rockers, that nose in the air, holier than thou crowd with their special little "I'm saving myself for marriage" rings and selective amnesia regarding the parts of the Bible that warn about self-righteousness... (unless they're going to B.Y.U., in which case they're "floating" and/or "flipping" their way through every guy with family money who says "I love you").
I don't know what's more annoying, the transparently pseudo-superior upper middle class (or pretending to be) late high school through college crowd who still have no clue what the real world is like who like to give worldly Christian advice to or about their more experienced elders on issues about which they know absolutely less than nothing...and yes, I know that is a negative amount of information, as in they actually have bad intel (kind of like how Bush lied us into the war with Iraq!) and are obnoxiously proud to share it with anyone who will give them the least little opening to do so, even though it leaves everyone involved feeling absolutely mortified for them. The star struck by Jesus naivete is adorable, but given I'm more educated and more experienced in life than most of them are ever likely to be, the rest does get a tad old.
That said, I remember being very excited and crushing on the whole idea of being born again when I gave my testimony at sixteen years old. And really, though my infatuation with the whole idea has waxed and waned over the years, that little fire has never gone out in my heart. He has always been there, a constant when nothing and no one else has been. All the Wagon Wheel, New Age Pan-theological, Gnostic (to be defined later) questioning, doubting, seeking, and open mindedness, along with all the Theology, Psychology (my minor) and hard Science (my major) classes in the world will never budge that mustard seed springing eternal from the depths of my battered heart.
However unlikely a vehicle, History's high budget miniseries kind of woke up a lot of that angst in me again, even though nearly every sympathetic character is expressly neither Jewish nor very dark skinned Egyptian in an era when virtually everyone in the region was, and in which all characters speak in a decidedly British, Australian or South African accent. It really is a kind of an insult to any viewer not predisposed to vehement bias and overt racism. This is sad because some of the acting is truly superb, and the story itself does get some things right.
For instance, for once, refreshingly, the disgusting Roman Catholic myth, intentionally perpetuated since the Council of Nicaea, that Mary Magdalene was the Whore of Babylon, or a whore at all, is blessedly absent. I was so pleasantly surprised! I was positive they were going to bite on that one. They did, unfortunately , very unfortunately, slip into the horrid, and I mean 'it should be punishable by death' horrid, idiot-speak language of the...whatever they call it Bible. I call it the Bible for Dummies. Seriously, do people really not understand the words thee, thy, thou, and thine? Did we have to lose the lyrical poetry of the King James Bible that some of the greatest writers of the time labored over so lovingly, especially since the mini series already had the corny accents and actors with European features? Really? They really effed that part up royally! Unfortunate too is the fact that none of the excluded books of the Bible were given so much as a mention, given this was allegedly a History Channel presentation about the Bible. Sigh...
They could have given us the juicy bits about Mary Magdalene being thought to possibly have been Christ's favored disciple, whom he kissed, at the very least, if not married and had children by. That was pertinent to the story. We could have heard the Gospel of Judas, wherein Judas, far from being the Lord's betrayer, was his co-conspirator, and acts on his Master's orders in identifying him in the Garden order to "free him from this body" (that's a paraphrase from the discarded Book of Judas). Poor Judas, who did commit suicide out of heartbreak after losing Jesus, and I can empathize with that. Imagine knowing Jesus Christ and working with Him, living and working with Him, then suffering the absence of Him in your life. We have all known people who take up a great deal of emotional space in life. Can you imagine anyone who takes up more emotional space than Christ Himself?
I don't know... Perhaps it's just that History would consider a religious book history at all that lends such a blatantly phony air to the story. Then again it could be the fact that they, like so many others,can't seem to separate the Bible from Milton's Paradise Lost and Dante's Inferno. Yawn... what a surprise. Didn't see that one coming. Oh wait, yes I did. And for the record, the Gnostics (literally translated: meaning those who know, not those who like organized religion, by the way) were correct, in my opinion, on the whole Tree of Knowledge with Adam and Eve in the Garden thing!
The Gnostics always spoke far more sympathetically of Eve in reference to the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge and the being who tempted her was seen as more helpful than evil. After all--and this rings far more true than the "old" story in my own mind as well--what is so terrible about eating fruit from the tree of knowledge if the Ultimate Divine One gave us brains with which to think? Why then not eat of the fruit which feeds the organ of thought which was bestowed upon us? From what source do we know this being we call "God" commanded not to eat from this tree? How was Eve to know who was an angelic messenger and who not? It is all very confusing and nonsensical if you ask me, and with an IQ of 148, which is neither super genius or stupid as a cow, I think I am qualified as most ministers to puzzle out what does and does not make sense based on my knowledge of the Bible, its many translations, the way it was written, and Theology in general, which I admit is a hobby, not a profession for me.
Let us take that a bit farther, shall we? If the Ultimate Divine One designed us, each of us, perfectly as we are, but sex is only for making babies, why does sex feel so very good whether we're making babies or not, and why does homosexuality also feel so good and tend to increase in times of overpopulation? So very many questions... Far too many to ask here, and far too many to ask of my poor old Lutheran Catechism Minister too. I'm afraid I was kicked out. I was being very sincere in my questions, but he didn't like being stumped on the "If we are all children of Adam and Eve, and they were expelled from the Garden, but later came upon a tribe of other people wandering in the wilderness, how can we all be children of Adam and Eve?" I know I wasn't the first or last person to ask that question, and no, the, "People lived much longer back then and the tribe was born of Adam and Eve long before," answer does not do it for me, sorry.
So where does Easter fit in to all this, aside from the fact that Yeshua bin Yusef, the guy most Christians call Jesus, was born with that name, which actually translates most directly to Joshua son of Joseph when taken from Aramaic to English, but there was a stop over at Greek, so we call him Jesus, which is much more comfortable for people who like to call anyone with "bin" in the middle of their names "towel heads" ...and if that's not good Christian love and tolerance I don't know what is. If Jesus introduced himself to most Christian militia men using the name he was born with, they'd "shoot him first and let ...gee, they'd let Him sort him out." Oh, the paradox! My ex was asked to join a militia once upon a time. When it came to the clause where he had to agree that in the case of "attack" all women, including me, his wife, had to be separated and held under protection by the group leaders for breeding purposes my then-husband told the leader of the Posse Comitatus to go "breed himself"...basically. I still love him more than a little bit for that even though we're no longer married.
Speaking of irony and back to Easter. Easter first replaced the fertility rites and celebrations of days long gone by, just as all Christian holidays were conveniently timed by the *cough* Holy Catholic Church to coincide and thereby usurp original Pagan holy days...only to see those celebrations emerge once again in new guises in the modern world of today. Maybe that's why when Science describes Super String Theory and M Theory and the Theory of Everything and Branes, etc., it doesn't quite feel right to me. Everything is more circular, or maybe cylindrical...you see it again and again, like the Multi-Verse(s) are giant elongated, interconnected dark and light loops of multi-dimensional invisible super-strong spaghetti that's membrane thin in some places and billions of light years deep in others, but seen from above...or maybe beyond is a better word, would look like the mess of wires and tubes attached to the babies I used to take care of in the NICU, only a lot bigger....... Okay, I think I'm getting tired.
And these are the thoughts that keep me up at night. It's almost a relief just trying to think of a more relevant form of the Lord's Prayer. Oh, and for the record, I used to think Agnostic meant you didn't believe in organized religion and so I assumed that Gnostic meant you did. I was wrong on that. Gnostic means you believe we are all born, each of us who takes breath and cries, with a spark of the Divine in us, and that we don't need a pope to intercede on our behalf or take our money to put in his obscene nation-bank with which he seeks to protect a minority of priests who do obscene things to little children because of obscene rules instated centuries ago so that the Catholic Church and not families of priests would inherit all their money. That is what their precious and unnatural celibacy rule, a rule that has caused so much unnatural human torment and suffering (and attracted a minority of very unsuitable men to the church) is all about! It's not about being pure and resisting worldly desires. It's about protecting for all time the continued flow of money into the bottomless pockets of the Church, and if that's not a Cardinal sin I don't know what is!
It's well past time that changed, because far too many young men and women seeking to serve in the Church as well as innocent little boys and girls forced to go there are being harmed by rules created to protect money which is and ever will be the root of all evil! (And wow, do I know that from hard experience. I miss you Mark.) Is any church as guilty of lust for money as the Catholic Church? The Mormons, you say? Yes, perhaps, but at least they are allowed to marry and live somewhat natural lives.
As far as worship and money go I think we all know how Jesus felt on that subject, don't we? The money changers in the temple certainly had no doubts once Jesus was done with them. Can anyone doubt the Divinity of THAT intervention?
So, Happy Easter, Xtians (those are the show-offy hypocrites who will pretend to be Christians but commit murder if it will get them an extra ten bucks or a good parking place on Black Friday or whatever the heck it's called; them and the one issue whack jobs who like to shoot people of other faiths and bomb health care clinics in the name of LIFE) and Christians alike. I hope you take some time from your shopping to remember what this holiday is really about. I hope you pause to take a moment between Morning Mass or Sunrise Service and Easter Brunch, Easter presents, Easter dresses, Easter dinner, and all the things you do to compete with your neighbors--making sure of course that your child has the best clothes and best Easter Basket, Easter Bonnet, shiniest shoes, and prettiest hair, (after all, it's what's Easter is really about, right?) and take a small moment to say a prayer of thanks to the One who gave His Life for us, that we may be forgiven our endless array of sins, large and small.
For those whose sins are VERY LARGE and weigh heaviest, take heart. This is the season of repentance and forgiveness. I can forgive you from now to the end of time, but you still have to meet your maker some day. Confession is the first step on that long road to redemption, and it's a very Catholic thing, after all.
